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Ever found yourself burying a dream, stopping a new idea from even getting off the ground, or changing your path because of what someone might think?

You haven’t even got any objective evidence on what they are thinking, merely what they “might” think?

When did you develop the power to mind-read?

However, I don’t want to be overly harsh as it’s a common human experience. We’re wired for connection, and a part of that often translates into a desire for approval from others and especially our peers.

However, here’s a challenging yet liberating truth: if you genuinely want to succeed at something meaningful, you must stop letting others’ opinions dictate your actions.

Constantly seeking external validation is like trying to navigate a ship in a storm, with every gust of wind (eg other people’s opinion) threatening to throw you off course and into the rocks. You’ll end up spending so much energy trying to please everyone – an impossible task anyway, as you can’t please everyone – that you lose sight of your destination and where you ultimately want to be.

You will then discover that your focus shifts from your own goals, growth, and unique vision to managing perceptions that are often not even present.

The Perils of People-Pleasing in Pursuit of Success:

When your primary driver is the approval of others, several things happen:

• You Dilute Your Vision: Authentic success often comes from a unique perspective or a novel approach. If you’re constantly worried about judgment from others, you’re more likely to stick to the well-trodden, “safer” paths, diluting your original spark that excited you in the first place.
  
• You Stifle Your Growth: True growth involves taking some risks, making mistakes along the way, and learning from them. The fear of looking foolish or failing in front of others can paralyse you, preventing you from taking the very steps necessary for success.
  
• You Become a Reflection, Not a Source of Innovation: Instead of innovating and leading, you become a mirror reflecting what you think others want to see. This can lead to a life and career that feels inauthentic and unfulfilling. As the saying goes, “Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”
  
• Your Energy is Misdirected: Every moment spent worrying about someone else’s opinion is a moment not spent honing your talent, developing your skills, or pushing towards your objective. Success requires focused effort, and that focus needs to be internal.

Shifting the Focus: From External Validation to Internal Drive

Realising this isn’t about disregarding all feedback or becoming dismissive of it. Constructive criticism from trusted sources can be invaluable. However, it’s about fundamentally shifting your locus of control from external to internal. By all means, take the constructive criticism on board, but don’t think it is absolute.

If, however, you receive the same criticism from multiple sources, then that may be something you need to address. However, trying to act on all criticism is a journey to nowhere.

• Know Your “Why”: A strong understanding of your own motivations and goals provides a solid foundation. When you’re clear on why you’re doing something, the opinions of those who don’t share or understand your vision matter less.
  
• Embrace Your Uniqueness: Your perspective is your superpower. Don’t be afraid to be different. History is filled with successful individuals who were initially misunderstood or criticised.
  
• Focus on Progress, Not Perfection (or Perception): Concentrate on your efforts and the small wins along the way. Success is a journey, often a messy one. Prioritise your standards and your commitment to your goals.
  
• Realise Most People Aren’t Thinking About You (That Much or at All): It’s a humbling thought, but most people are preoccupied with their own lives and challenges. The judgment you fear is often magnified in your mind.

Ultimately, the path to significant achievement is paved with self-belief and an unwavering focus on your own aspirations. When you stop needing the world to approve of your choices, you free yourself to make the choices that will lead to your success.

It’s your journey, your definition of success – so own it and do it.

Why is it that we struggle to start anything of substance?

What are the blockers stopping us?

There is a quote which says, “You don’t have to be great to get started, but you have to get started to be great!”

And beginning something is always the biggest struggle. However, we need to understand that we don’t need to be perfect to start, just beginning in “some” cases is the key, and we work out the rest afterwards.

There are several factors why we choose to procrastinate. Here are a few…

1. The Fear Factor:
   • Fear of Failure: People worry the project won’t be good enough, they’ll be judged, or they’ll waste their time/resources. Starting makes the possibility of failure real. Even though failing isn’t final unless you stop and never go again.
   • Fear of Success: Less common, but some fear the changes success might bring (more responsibility, higher expectations), so they don’t want that hassle.
   • Fear of the Unknown: Starting something new involves uncertainty. Sticking with the familiar (even if it’s unproductive procrastination) feels safer.
     
2. Overwhelm & Lack of Clarity:
   • The Task Seems Too Big: The project’s sheer scale can be intimidating, leading to paralysis. Where do you even begin?
   • Unclear First Steps: A major barrier is not knowing what the very first action should be. People get stuck in planning or analysis paralysis instead of doing.
   • Decision Fatigue: If starting involves making too many initial choices, people might put it off to avoid the mental energy required.
     
3. Perfectionism:
   • Waiting for the “Perfect” Time/Conditions: Procrastinators often tell themselves they need more information, better resources, or a clearer head before starting. This “perfect moment” rarely arrives.
   • All-or-Nothing Thinking: If they can’t do it perfectly, they don’t want to start at all. The pressure to meet impossibly high standards prevents taking the first step. It doesn’t matter if you make some mistakes, as long as they are not terminal. They are just learning points.
     
4. Lack of Motivation or Connection:
   • Task Aversion: The project might seem boring, tedious, or unrewarding, especially in the initial stages. The immediate gratification of procrastination (e.g., scrolling social media) is more appealing than the delayed reward of project progress.
   • Not Connecting with the “Why”: If the underlying reason or benefit of the project isn’t clear or compelling, motivation to start will be low.
     
5. Energy & Mindset:
   • Low Energy/Fatigue: Sometimes, it’s hard to muster the physical or mental energy to tackle something new.
   • Fixed Mindset: Believing abilities are fixed can make people hesitant to start tasks where they might struggle or reveal perceived weaknesses.

In Conclusion:

We all procrastinate because of some of the reasons above, and everything “new” has unknown elements, which can bring up slight internal fears. It is there even if we don’t always acknowledge it as a fear. This can stop us.

So don’t beat yourself up if you are not starting, take a look at why you are not beginning and see whether the fears are justifiable, or just an element of “lack of information” which can be a fear in itself.

If it is just a lack of information, make it a point to break it down to it’s most minor component and decide whether you have to investigate further to get the clarity you need, or whether you can take a slight leap of faith and go for it anyway and resolve it once you have started.

No one has seen what is inside…until you are doing it there and then

It should be delicious and juicy (which is what most of us hope for when we peel an orange), but on occasion, it can also be poor and not what we are expecting at all. We could therefore be slightly disappointed in that moment as we were expecting so much before we peeled that orange.

No one else knows exactly what you contain inside of you unless you are willing to show what that is.

Others may anticipate someone who could one day show greatness. This could certainly be the case with family members hoping you can become something extraordinary.

Now, this greatness doesn’t mean being world-famous or inventing something extraordinary. It is using the talents you have been blessed with to their full potential. Not hiding them away, but instead letting them out and trying things in life until you find your “thing”, whatever that “thing” is for you.

Some others who don’t have your best interests at heart, as can happen on occasion, may believe you won’t amount to anything at all and are less likely to want to see what lies underneath “your” surface.

They could be fearful of what it could reveal. Perhaps someone not amounting to anything and not fulfilling their true abilities. They don’t have much faith in you.

But only you can answer what you have beneath the surface. Is it worth seeing?

Have you used what you have to the best of your abilities to fulfil that faith that others may have placed in you and what they think you could achieve?

Or have you just given up and taken from life? Instead of giving back and revealing your true abilities?

While you are still breathing, you can show people who you really are. And make that reveal something wonderful.

Surprise others with your attitude, your outlook and your uplifting nature. Make the world “better” by revealing a little of YOU, the true YOU! The one who has hidden it inside.

Do it!

Don’t hide; show the world the real you, and make a positive difference to everyone you meet. Be “the orange” that everyone will want to see.

We usually associate light and darkness with spiritual powers, where we have a deity who is good and, therefore, is the shining light at one end of a spectrum, whilst the evil opposite of the deity is portrayed as evil and associated with darkness at the other end of the spectrum.

However, where are you on this scale of light and darkness?

I am not implying you are a deity (a god) or even the opposite, a devil filled with evil, but on a scale of white to dark, which has many shades of grey in between, where are you on this spectrum? Where do you believe you fit?

Do you shine a light on people’s life? Do you have integrity and uplift others when you interact with them? Or do you bring shadow and darkness, because you upset and depress people based on your presence?

Take a step back and analyse how you behave. Are you wondering where you actually are on the grey scale? Are you closer to the light side, or are you closer to the black side?

Could you perhaps make some small changes to some of your actions in some way, leaving people feeling better after interacting with you? And therefore, you are moving closer to the light side of the spectrum?

If you are unsure where you perhaps lie on that scale, ask someone close to you to determine where you may be. That feedback may surprise you.

Whether you then want to change? Well, that choice is yours!

In my pit of denial, there is nothing wrong.
My world is dark, but there is nothing wrong.
My world is lonely, but there is nothing wrong.
My world is unhappiness and frustration, but there is nothing wrong.
My world has little hope, but there is nothing wrong.
My world is in pain, but I am “fine”; there is nothing wrong.

Why do others have smiles, and I do not?
Why do others have joy, and I do not?
Why do others live life and I do not?
Maybe in this dark, there “could” be something wrong?

Could I have “light” and “life” too?
“Maybe?”
But life is not for the likes of me, is it?

I must BE strong; just once
I must BE courageous; just once
I must BE brave; just once
But I’m afraid
But I must try anyway
Hold out my hand and say, “Help,” and light will come!

-Tony Fasulo

FEAR

Fear is a powerful force that can shape our lives in unexpected ways. It’s an emotion rooted in our survival instinct, but when it’s self-manifested, it can become a barrier that prevents us from achieving our full potential. This explores the end-to-end process of how self-created fears arise in our minds and paralyzes us from venturing forward and succeeding.

The Genesis of Fear

Self-manifested fear often begins with a thought. It could be a fleeting doubt, a past failure that resurfaces, or an imagined scenario of things going wrong. Our minds are incredibly powerful, and these initial thoughts can quickly snowball into larger fears and self doubts. We start to believe in the possibility of failure, rejection, or disappointment, even if there’s no concrete evidence to support these fears.

The Paralysis Effect

As these fears grow, they trigger physiological responses in our bodies—racing heartbeats, sweating, and a sense of dread. But more insidiously, they also affect our mental state. We begin to hesitate, overthink, and second-guess ourselves. This mental paralysis can be debilitating, making it difficult to take the necessary steps toward our goals. It’s like being trapped in an invisible cage, where the bars are in our mind and are made of our own doubts and anxieties.

Breaking Free from the Chains of Fear

Understanding the source of our self-manifested fears is the first step toward overcoming them. It is essential to recognize that these fears are not based on reality but on our perceptions and past experiences. By acknowledging this, we can start to challenge and reframe our thoughts.

Here are a few strategies to help break free from the chains of fear:

1. Self-Awareness: Pay attention to the thoughts that trigger your fears. Identify patterns and common themes.
2. Rational Thinking: Question the validity of your fears. Are they based on facts or assumptions?
3. Positive Visualization: Imagine successful outcomes rather than focusing on potential failures.
4. Small Steps: Take incremental steps towards your goals. Small victories can build confidence and reduce fear.
5. Support System: Surround yourself with supportive people who encourage and believe in you.

Conclusion

Fear is a natural emotion, but when self-manifested, it can hinder our progress and keep us from achieving our goals. By understanding how these fears develop and implementing strategies to overcome them, we can break free from their paralyzing grip and move forward with confidence.

I’ve already heard several people discuss 2024 on social media and say just how poor it has been.

Interestingly, it does not have much to do with the events that have occurred during the year that determine whether it was terrible. Of course, some events will be totally outside our control and potentially quite awful; however, the determining factor is how we respond to those events.

We control this one crucial thing—our response. We own that. We choose how to respond.

So, our response is the key to whether 2024 was a good year and whether 2025 will be more of the same.

Good and bad stuff happens to us throughout our lives; it’s called “Life”.

But the thing above all else is how we choose to respond to those events in Life.

Remember, we only have one life to live—as far as we know, we don’t get another one. And how we respond to that life is totally up to us. We can make it a fantastic life or a miserable life.

It’s in our hands; it’s our choosing.

So, choose to make 2025 a fabulous year!