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Who has heard someone say this before?

Maybe it was you that said it too

But let’s analyze this for a second…

If something has happened and you genuinely had no involvement whatsoever, nor did you have any influence in the outcome in any way (either physically or verbally), then “yes” you can say, it is not your fault.

However, if there is an outcome that was due to something you did or said, or you somehow “steered” the outcome in a direction slightly differently than it would otherwise have gone, then you cannot say it is no longer your fault. You had a part to play, even if that part was very insignificant

What we need to understand is that we have a responsibility for our actions (and this includes words too!) and we shouldn’t shirk away from this. If we discover that something has gone wrong and we have had some role to play in it not going as planned, we need to stand up and take responsibility for our role in it.

We then need to learn lessons from the issue and then try and correct it

This way things can move forward.

However, there is something we mustn’t do in all this. And that is blame ourselves in a negative or disparaging way and then mull over it to our detriment.

Don’t start beating yourself up! This is common to do, but it just negatively affects your mental health and provides NO solutions. This helps no one and particularly doesn’t help you!

Instead, acknowledge, learn, and move on! And if able to have another go, apply what you have learned to get the “right” outcome.

Come on now, how important are your goals to you, really?

Because if your goals were critical to you, you would be making some pretty serious headway toward them by now, am I right?

So they can’t really be that important to you, can they? Or you would be having them in your sights real soon for sure…

Or are you still at the “about to start” stage? And you’ve been at this “about to start” stage for a fair while?

What’s holding you back from starting then?

Are you waiting for the “perfect moment” to appear before you start? Or are there a bunch of these justifiable excuses you keep making to yourself the real reason for holding you back?

Yes, we make excuses all the time and we back them up with good justification as to why they are “temporarily” suppressing our progress. Now whilst there are some genuinely important things that DO come up in life that will play havoc with any progress, they are fortunately few and far between.

Most of the time the reasons we give ourselves as show stoppers are very low on a scale of one to ten and don’t often make it about 4 out of 10 in criticality and we STILL let it get in the way.

If the issue you are experiencing is not a genuine 7 out of 10 and above (with death being at number 10) then you really need to evaluate whether the goals you have are really that important for you to achieve.

Because if any small distraction comes your way (and life has a habit of sending issues over because it’s called “living a life”) then we have to accept that they are mere distractions and nothing more and we have to navigate them as best we can and just move forward toward our goal.

Instead, we make excuses as to “why” we are not moving ahead as much as we had hoped and that is down to the flimsy nature of the excuses

So let’s look again at what we want to achieve and scale it on a scale of 1 to 10 on how important is it to achieve. Once you’ve established this, you need to throw out any poor excuse that isn’t worthy of the time of day, and just move forward

Otherwise, you will forever by justifying your failed attempts with poor excuses, one after the other, and looking at never to be achieved goals

We’ve heard this statement before, haven’t we? Well, it is actually a poor statement because it assumes a status quo and once something works, you’re done, never having to look at it again.

Unfortunately, that’s not how it works in reality. Just because you have a process or system that works, you can’t simply forget to look at it from time to time to see what can be “improved”.

After looking at it, you may still decide to keep things as they are, because they are working at their optimal current level, but you certainly DON’T think that once IT IS working, it no longer deserves the time and effort to assess whether any changes are required.

If you adopt this attitude, you will discover after a while that the process may be completely outdated, or there are more efficient ways of producing the same result. Or the other view is, whether some tasks can be reviewed and perhaps combined or even removed altogether.

Always look at what you’re doing with regularity and an open mind, to assess and then change it if needed.

So the attitude of “it ain’t broke, why fix it” is flawed thinking and can leave you scrambling to catch up, or worse, can put you out of business altogether if you are not looking at your systems and processes on a regular basis.

Most of the time, this isn’t you that is the issue at all, but the problem more than often lies with them.

Unless there is something huge that has happened that has adversely affected someone in a major way and you are genuinely the cause of this problem, there should be no real reason for someone to be purposely rude, aggressive, or angry toward someone else.

If this does happen, then is more likely a problem they are having personally than you the recipient of the anger.

They may be having challenges or issues that they are struggling with, and you are the next person they have come into contact with, and they have let loose on you. Or the pressure they are experiencing has built up over a period of time and that pressure is being released in your direction.

So don’t take things like this personally if you are confronted with someone who is rude and angry. Don’t blame yourself for sure, or believe that it is something you should have done differently.

Most often this anger is not directed at you personally anyway, but it could be directed at “anyone” that has happened to have crossed their path. Unfortunately, you are the one on the receiving end.

This doesn’t excuse them of course, nor should it, but as long as you realize this upfront, then you can shield yourself somewhat.

This way you are protecting your self-confidence understanding that the problem is not with you but with them.

This understanding can also dictate how you respond too. Because if you realize that the issue is not with you personally, but it is them just trying to “vent”, then your response can be measured and not be confrontational in return, and instead you can diffuse the anger rather than fuel it.

Are you really?

A great number of people every year say a similar thing…
“Ok, this year I’m getting serious, I’m going to __________”

Unfortunately, every year the same thing seems to happen and they don’t get the success they have just stated

So what happened?

They let the everyday things in life which happen to us all, simply get in the way and block their path.

Oh you know, the excuses…this guy needed me and auntie Beryl wanted us to go there in the Summer and my kid needed help with his football lesson and this other stuff came, up and this other stuff came up and this other stuff came up, etc., etc., etc.

And before you know it weeks and months have passed and then the New Year comes around again! And they simply rinse and repeat the statements they made the year before, except this time, they are another year older and none the wiser!

People can claim that on this occasion things will be different because this year, “I am focused”, but in reality, they haven’t changed anything or really want to change anything, so they don’t!

Remember the definition of insanity? Is continuing the same activity and expecting a different result! This is exactly what is happening here!

There has to be a “serious” decision made, where you draw a line in the sand and you say, “Enough is Enough” and mean it this time.

Cast aside the things that will impede your successes and if that involves ditching people who are a drain on your life, then you need to make some important decisions to decide whether are they the right people to drive you forward in your life or not.

Do these people suck the enthusiasm out of you so impeding your progress? If so, don’t hang out with them. Leave them be. Instead, mix with people who encourage you and want you to succeed and can actually give you the means and advice TO succeed.

For this sort of higher level of information and advice on how to succeed, you need to pay for it. And don’t scrimp. If some people or companies have a track record and can provide you with the information you need to get you to your destination quicker than you would do on your own, then pay for this. It will be cheaper in the long term especially as good information comes at a price.

If you have to retrain to get ahead, look at that too! But do SOMETHING different to move forward.

Otherwise you will again be at the start of the new year repeating the same lines as before.

So I ask again, are you really serious this time?

I know, I know, when people say this, it sounds all whishy-washy and almost “new age” and most people simply switch off to this kind of language, because they simply don’t relate to it.

It could be because no one has ever taken the time to explain exactly what it actually means. You see, you are not supposed to literally love yourself like you would a partner nor love yourself in an arrogant way to believing you are the most handsome or beautiful individual and are therefore better than others…!?!

No, No, no…this is not what it means at all…

The meaning is that you take care of yourself.

Don’t talk down to yourself if you happen to do something wrong (and you will do things wrong, it’s part of learning!), which often happens with our self-talk. Our self-talk can get out of hand and we say things to ourselves that we would never say to anyone else. Unfortunately, you are listening and you take this stuff on board. It can also affect your behavior too if you do this often as your subconscious is paying attention to this language. So don’t say negative things to yourself, it simply is not worth it for your mental state of mind.

Don’t treat your physical body badly either. Look after it. Don’t treat it badly to the detriment of your health. Do exercise if you are able to and it doesn’t mean crazy or extreme stuff either. Just simply walking or swimming will do on a regular basis

The reason for loving yourself is that you have to live in your body for your whole life, so it has to serve you for a lifetime.

Therefore if you haven’t so far, get in the habit of taking care of it, mentally as well as physically. So you need to love yourself to take the time in order to do this properly. So give yourself breaks to recharge for your mental well-being. And ensure your physical state is as best it can be too!

So when you hear the term again, that you “need to love yourself” you may not feel quite so bad in hearing it, because you are now learning to love yourself too!

We sometimes get asked, “When are you going to do…xxx ?”

And typically we can answer, “Someday, I’ll get around to doing that…”

After all, we have loads of time available, so we can fit it in at some point, can’t we?

But do we have all the time in the world?

The clock in life is ticking and each day passes onto the next and we can’t get that previous day back. It is the past. It is a memory and nothing more. We can’t relive that day and hope to have it back again someday…!?! It is gone!

So if you have been planning to do that “something” but haven’t yet got around to doing it yet, then at the very least, have a date in the diary for when you ARE going to do it. Because remember, life ticks on by regardless and we only have a finite time on this planet when we are even fit and able to do stuff we want to do.

So don’t just utter the words, “Someday, I’ll do it” – instead say, “yes I will be doing it and the date is xxx” !